I give great advice. Hell, I give amazing advice. As a general rule, if I tell you to do something, you ought to do it because it’ll be the smartest option. That sounds vain, but it’s true and I’m proud of my guru powers.
Unfortunately, this means that when it comes to my own life I become a retard. Especially in the world of romance. I think this is a case of, “Do as I say, not as I do.” But never fear! There is a way for my mistakes to work for the better good, so without further ado here’s a list of what NOT to do when you like a guy.
When you like a guy…
- …don’t assume he doesn’t like you. I’ve had friends tell me, “I can’t ask him out, he doesn’t like me!” When I ask them why they’d think that, they honestly can’t tell me why. They were just being insecure morons. Don’t be an insecure moron. Unless a guy is giving very clear BACK OFF signs, or you are out right rejected, you always have a chance.
- …don’t assume he’s madly in love with you. This seems like a contradiction, but it’s not if you apply some common sense. Let’s say a friend tells you that hot guy wants to marry you because he smiled at you that one time five years ago. So you proceed to stalk him like a creeper…yeah, don’t. Chances are he doesn’t even remember your name. Your friends are designed to boost your self-esteem, so take it with a grain of salt when they claim a guy wants to partake in matrimony with you.
- …don’t be retarded, ask the poor guy out. Alright! Things are going well. You definitely like him, and you’re getting some sure signs that he likes you back. Unfortunately he hasn’t asked you out yet. Believe it or not, guys can be really shy when they want to be. It looks like it’s going to be up to you. So what do you do? You ignore him and avoid the awkward rejection you’ve decided you’re going to get. Stop being stupid. Just ask him on a date and see what happens. You might be surprised.
- …don’t be a jealous whore. Remember that guy you refused to ask out? Well, it looks like he’s moved on from the looks of the googly eyes he and that girl are giving each other. Unfortunately it seems like you never quite got over him, so you shoot the girl in the head with an airsoft gun in a fit of feminine, drunken rage. There’s so many things wrong with that. Just don’t do it. It’s your own fault you didn’t ask him out and he had every right to move on. Don’t blame him, and don’t blame the new girl. It just makes you look bad.
- …don’t count off those other cute guys. It really doesn’t look like it’s going to happen with the crush of your choice. At some point, you really need to move on. During all that time you were pining over Mr. Crush, five other guys were probably off to the side drooling on your shoes and you didn’t even notice. One of them could have been a model for all you know.
- …don’t put yourself down. I’ve never seen you, but you’re probably gorgeous. Just accept this and FLAUNT IT BABY. You can’t expect a guy to love you when you don’t love yourself, so go look in the mirror and give yourself a smooch. …what? No that’s not weird. It’s empowering!
This is all pretty basic advice, but I think when girls see a guy they like they just become…retarded. I don’t know what it is, but the braincells just hiss and die in a burst of flames. And just for the record, I never personally shot the girl with an air soft gun….someone else did it for me. I am very ashamed, you don’t need to tell me.
Question: What is a rant?
Answer: Something you’ll be seeing quite often, believe you me.
I know this seems like a rather redundant post, but in all honesty some people are very confused. They just don’t know what a rant is! But don’t worry. I’m here to explain the three rules that make up a rant. By the time you’re done reading this, you will know.
- Rants Are Not Always Angry
It’s true. Some rants might be downright pleasant, or nauseatingly happy on some occasions. Rage doesn’t always lead to a rant, though it is the most common emotion you will experience when reading one. Rage and self pity…
- A Rant Is A Stream Of Babbling Words
This is something that throws most self-respecting readers off guard. They read a rant and say, “Now hold the phone. She was just talking about her laundry and now she’s talking about sky diving? This is not quality writing!” And in fact it is not! A rant is created by a confused person, usually overwhelmed by any of the emotions I listed above. As such, any general knowledge they had about writing flies out the window. Words just start pouring out only to spin out of control, not to be tamed by any mere mortal. They start off with one topic, but eventually that topic will teeter off and mutate. It can’t be helped I’m afraid.
- A Rant Can Be About Anything
Literally, anything. The ranter might be experiencing a bout of depression because they’ve never seen a unicorn. Therein, a rant is born. Expect the unexpected.
Now you hopefully know what a real rant is all about. These are very simple rules, but it’s surprising how quickly people forget. So do not judge a person for blogging about unicorn sky-divers from Mars. Chances are, they are going through emotional turmoil, and a rant is necessary for their recovery. Misery loves company, so why not join in the fun and rant right along with them? After all, two crazy people are better than one.
This time I’m not half asleep! So I can better give my invisible readers a good idea of ‘Winter’. I said in my first post that I wouldn’t make future plans for this blog. I lied. Here’s a few things you can expect to see on Winter Was Here…:
- Lists – I love lists. They are the light of my life. This post is testament to that and you can expect to see a lot more lists in the future. I’ll make lists about everything. My favorite food, what color socks I plan to wear…you name it, I’ll list it! Though this blog will be pretty boring if it’s just a list blog…I’ll limit it to once a week. That’s the best I can do because, I did mention that I really love listing things right?
- Buddhism – I’m not a religious person. I believe in it, but I don’t live by it. Lately though, I’ve been looking into Buddhism. I don’t know if I’m attracted to it as a religion or a philosophy, but it is starting to seem like it’s a good fit for me. So I plan to ease myself into it before I go taking any vows or going on a wondrous pilgrimage. Also, meditation rocks my socks. I won’t write about meditation too much, unless I reach enlightenment a few decades earlier than expected.
- Unicorns/Zombies/Fairies/Fairy tale creatures – Those are pretty self-explanatory I think. The first three are my true loves, but I want to marry all things mythical and legendary. I think I’ve written stories about every type of fairytale creature at least once. I’ll admit, not all of them are my best work but the fact of the matter is I have a vampire and a unicorn character in the same story. I’ve accomplished something.
- Writing – I will not be posting any of my stories on this blog. Aww, I know. I’m sorry invisible readers. I can feel your tears raining down upon me. Don’t worry, they’re not very good (yet). I won’t post anything here because I have paranoia issues about copyright. Let’s leave it at that. BUT I have no problem ranting to the interwebs about my writing short comings, triumphs and tribulations! Or something…I’ll figure it out, but expect to see topics on this.
- Video Games – So for my 18th birthday, Father Winter provided me with a most bodacious gift. He gave me a gift card for $500, eligible for use only at Amazon! Naturally, my response was to buy a lot of video games because those suckers are expensive otherwise. $400 later and I have more games than I know what to do with. I’m not even looking at that last hundred until I finish at least half the games I already have. And yet, I look at Amazon’s Deal of the Day, every day, without fail. Huh. Well I guess I’ll be writing about that in the future!
- South Korea/Anime/Other Cultures in General – I want to travel someday. A dream of mine is to study abroad in South Korea, although that’s just one country on my list. If I had it my way I’d be in a different country every year. For whatever reason though, Korea is my first choice. I’m not entirely sure why. Something about it seems like if I were able to go there, it would be a real adventure (a different culture completely outside my comfort zone? OH BOY!) I love trying to learn languages, and learning about different cultures. Oh, and I like anime and asian dramas. I don’t watch them as avidly as I used to, but I go through my phases every now and again. I don’t know why I grouped those here…I guess because they’re Asian? Who knows…
- Diabetes – I’m a diabetic. I was diagnosed just this year in January. It was a terrible way to start 2010, believe you me. In my family, diabetes is like a family heirloom. We’ve had many family tragedies this year because of it and it definitely hasn’t made my life any easier. I don’t particularly want to write about it. I’d rather just ignore it (which is a whole other problem in itself), but I would be lying if I said it will never come up. So…yeah…
- Everything Else – I’m basically going to be writing about what I want, when I want. At least until I find a real niche in this blog that’s easy to work with. Since I’m going to be writing about everything, I can’t make a category for topics I’m not even sure of yet. I mean I may or may not write about fashion. I like clothes, but it’s not a passion of mine even though it could be later. Unless I go to TJ Maxx one of these days. Then all you’ll see is me gushing about the gorgeous new bags I got.
- Blurbs About Life – I’m not going to get too in detail about my personal life on here. But that’s not going to stop me from blogging about it! I saved this for last, because it’s the most important. The hesitant theme of this blog, is the building of my adult life. As of now, I am a short Puerto Rican girl, sitting in my room wondering if I want to watch a movie or play Gears of War. Clearly I am not an adult yet. I’m at a very weird time in my life. I just graduated the only school I’ve known for six years (I was there for middle and high school) and I’m heading off to college one of these days. I’m moving away from friends I’ve known for years, building a few friendships with people I never spoke to much before, and I hope to make many new friends once I start school. I’m kind of loner, but I want to change that. Basically I just want to leave high school behind and ease into a new life. I’d love to be able to look back at these earlier entries and see how much I’ve changed. So I’ll make it happen.
I know it doesn’t make sense to have a theme while I plan to write about everything, but the way I see it I’m writing about me. I get bored easily. I don’t like just writing about one topic all the time. If I get bored with this blog, how can I expect anyone else to ever bother with it? So my goal is to ignore all the advice given to me about sticking to one topic and just write about whatever the hell I want. There will be fun posts, serious posts, caffeine induced posts…whatever inspiration calls for at the time. Maybe if I’m completely amused by this, other people will join in and we can have a interwebs party! I’ll bring the diet soda!