Category Archives: Blurbs of Life

Apparently, my friends are a bunch of stoners.

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I think I’m what they call ‘straight-edge’. Is that the right term? I drink the minimal amount of wine coolers and refuse to do drugs or smoke cigarettes under any circumstances whatsoever. People like to tell me I will change my mind about doing drugs someday as a part of my natural youngin’ stupidity. I find this disturbing.

So you’d think the fact that I’m the polar opposite of every stoner ever makes it kind of weird that most of my friends are indeed high about fifty percent of the time. And you’d be right.

I kind of understand how it happened. It goes by similar rules to how I managed to get in with the cliquey emo crowd in high school. I befriended/was pitied by the group leader. They’re usually the only ones with any form of individual thoughts of their own and the rest of the group just does whatever the crap they do. I’m pretty sure I’ve been using this friend building system my entire life…it never works well, but it seriously happens every time.

I went to that zombie party on…was it Tuesday? It was fairly fun, even though half the people got randomly drunk off smirnoff and we ended up giving up on zombies and watching Glee for hours on end singing show tunes. One of my high school buddies came, and she was so clearly out of place that I felt sorry for her. But at the same time I was pretty damn proud. For once I wasn’t the one who stood out. I had learned to become one of group.

When the party was over, instead of going home and sleeping, I randomly went home with a friend of mine. I had pulled an all-nighter and was cramping all over the place, and my other two friends were high off their gourds. We made a good trio. Now, these are the same friends who offered me a room in a house they want to rent, and it really occured tome how fucked up this situation is.

I love my friends. Really I do. But let’s be practical.

  • They smoke some kind of drug-like substance about every five seconds.
  • They get drunk every night
  • They hate little dogs.
  • They smell absolutely disgusting.
  • They can be rather judgmental when they want to be.

I told them the reason I had a headache and my eyes were watering was due to a mixture of cat allergies and my period being a bitch, but the truth was her house smelled so bad and all the smoke was really starting to get to me. It was nauseating and I’ve always had bad reactions to cigarette smoke, which is why I’ll never try it. I stopped being proud of my status in the group rather quickly. Though I guess it is rather amusing how I’m the uncorrupted unicorn princess. It’s true. I am. That doesn’t change the fact that living with them would be a nightmare.

I don’t want to get rid of my current friends. Despite it all, they are good friends and they’re sensitive about my diabetes, which is very important to me. It can get overbearing at times, but I prefer it to them awkwardly trying to pretend it doesn’t exist, especially when there’s alcohol involved. I’ll always be grateful to one friend who takes such good care of me. At her own birthday party, she made sure I had things to drink (both alcoholic and non) set aside plenty of filtered water for spoiled ‘lil me, and even got me a sugar free cupcake. Even her mother is such a sweetheart. I disagree with her parenting methods completely, but her heart is in the right place and I love how she’s like, “I didn’t know when you’d be coming over again, but look I bought you some sugar free lemonade in case you get thirsty.”

So I will keep them around. But their lifestyle is not for me. I like to think we have an understanding of, “You do your thing and I’ll do mine.” We’ll see how that works out in the future.

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Zombies? Partay? Zombie Partay? OH BOY!

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I’m writing this at…1 AM, Tuesday morning because I will not be here for most of the day. I am going to a party. Specifically a Zombie Party, if you couldn’t tell from the snazzy title up there.

My friend the Birthday Girl made a few unreasonable requests. She wants me to dress up and bring her a present. I say ha ha to both these requests. One, I just heard about this party a few days ago and I am a perfectionist. There is no way I can find a blow-y0ur-mind-amazing costume in such a short amount of time and it would take forever to make one. Also, I am broke. I have some money saved up, but that’s my money. I can’t even buy myself nice things with that money, so I’m definitely not giving it to her as much as I love her. Call me cheap, but I like to have a couple hundred dollars saved up for emergencies. But maybe that’s just me.

It’s not like she got me a present for my birthday.

My plan is to walk in, scream and start running. You see I’m just going to dress normally and be the Minority Zombie Victim. There has to be at least one. This probably means those freaks are going to bite me, but I think I can live with that. My present will be my wonderful presence, unless I can convince my big gay buddy to put my name on his present.

From my understanding we will be watching zombie movies…excuse me, Romero movies all day. It’s not that I don’t like Dawn of the Dead, but haven’t we all seen it a billion times? It plays on TV practically every other day. The baby zombie scene doesn’t even shock me anymore. To shake things up I suggested we watch Dead Alive, or Braindead as its known by some cool cats. It’s an amazing movie, very funny, lots of gore, what more could you want? It occurred to me a little while ago that they will probably hate it. This blows my mind really. How can anyone hate a movie that has a kung-fu zombie priest? I just…

There’s a scene where they’re in a graveyard and this priest appears out of nowhere and goes, “This calls for divine intervention!” He goes all kung-fu and makes a perfect scene even greater by going, “I kick ass for the Lord!”

I don’t really understand how someone who claims to love zombie films can hate that movie. Then again those freaks love the Saw movies so…can’t count much for taste I guess.

It’s a good thing I didn’t suggest we watch Zombie Honeymoon, My Boyfriend’s Back or Grace… well not suggesting Grace is a good idea. That movie freaks me out. Definitely a bad idea for a party. But the first two are zombie chick flicks. Zombie chick flicks! They’re amazing in awful, awful ways.

We’ll see how it goes. I think it’ll be fun to see everyone at the very least. As a zombie fangirl, I’ll see if I can enlighten them to the best/worst of zombie culture beyond Romero’s movies and Zombieland.

Zombieland 2 needs more zombies by the way. Way more.

Writer’s block is a lot like constipation…

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Not that I was constipated or anything, but we have one tiny bathroom in my house of four to five people. Five hours and a busted bladder later, that title was born. It really has nothing to do with the following post at all, but it amused me.

I’ve been getting lectured a lot lately. I was patient at first, but now I want to punch anyone that tries it. The problem is, they’re giving me great advice but it’s all the same stuff!

I’ve been thinking about roommates. I don’t have any interviews lined up or apartments being held for me. I literally just went, “Getting a roommate someday might be an option when I move out.” It didn’t help that a friend of mine offered me a room to live in in this make-shift dorm she’s making, an offer I’ve turned down until further notice (I didn’t like some of the details, and a lot are left up in the air, so until more things are made clear I’m not even considering it).

And then everyone exploded.

“Roommates are dangerous! So many things can go wrong! You don’t understand! I’m two years older than you so I know so much better! What if you grow to hate them?”

It was kind of funny at first, but now if anyone starts I get this ‘STFU’ type reaction, which results in this huge fight. It started first with a friend of mine and it took all of my will power to not get really bitchy with her. I don’t mind getting advice, but when someone starts with the “I think I’d know better than you” it bugs me. It didn’t help that she’s lived at home all her life and has never had a roommate so…yeah I’m pretty sure I just stopped talking. Now the family is freaking out at me because they want me to live at home forever and be their little pet.

Here’s a tip people: Shut up. I get that you care, but it’s starting to grate on my nerves. I can understand, because I’m working on being an advice-giving menace. I can get aggressive and obnoxious about my advice giving. So I’ve given the benefit of the doubt. Enough is enough. I mentioned roommate ONCE, maybe three weeks ago. Find something new to lecture me about at the very least.

My stand on roommates is this: If you need a roommate, you get a roommate. I mean if it honestly can’t be helped and you can’t stand living at home anymore, what else can you do? Living in a dorm is ideal really, because you have a roommate and there’s less of a financial risk being taken.

Sure, you can end up hating your roommate with every fiber of your being. They might be financial dead weights, or maybe they keep you all night with their humping activities. The lists are endless. But all in all (and this is probably what made everyone so mad) I would rather take a risk and get a roommate then live at home for too long. I’m eighteen now. I don’t want to be here anymore. So getting a roommate is not a plan right now, but it’s an option and I WILL consider it whether anyone likes it or not. I don’t like having my intelligence insulted by people deciding I’m too stubborn to look at all the risk and details. Clearly, that means they don’t know me very well. I mean come on now. It takes me two hours to buy a $3 book because I end up sitting there going, “Is this REALLY worth it? I mean will it be worth my hard earned money?” I am the queen of over thinking. So family and friends, give advice, but please trust me a little bit? There’s no need to yell.

The Boredom Eats At My Soul

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The past few days I really haven’t done much of anything. I went to this nice pizzeria with my mom and grandpa today. It was the highlight of my day. Even I realize how sad that is.

The first step to destroying my boredom is to get my driver’s license. I don’t know why, but I seem to have this mental block against it. I know I have to do it, but it’s one of those things that just…slips the mind. Kind of like my college placement test I need to take in the next week or so in order to enroll. Ha ha. Clearly, my life is a mess right now.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not a mess in a depressing way. It’s more like I have no¬† idea what to do with it. It’s kind of like…I graduated high school, and I just have no idea what to do (I just said that). It’s kind of embarrassing, because it seems so obvious to everyone else. They’re all off to their dorms now, all excited about their new lives and I’m still in my mom’s house wondering what the crap is going on. I do have a plan, and it’s a fairly decent plan that’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’m going to go to community college and live at home for the next year or two. I’ll save up some money and eventually transfer to a university somewhere. It’s much cheaper then going straight to a university I know. But it still feels like I haven’t really moved on from high school. I’m glad to be out of there, but I feel like I’m just going stagnant at home with nothing to do. I spent most of my life thinking I’d be driving a sports car and living in a dorm getting drunk all day with my super gorgeous friends that adored me. I think I’m still in shock that none of that has happened to me yet.

The answer (kind of)? Getting a car. It’s my new big step but it will at least help in making me feel somewhat like an adult. At the very least I can go where I please. Hell, I might even be able to visit the city on weekends since it’s only two hours away. I feel like a hermit living in a cave right now. I wish I lived in the city so I could just go where I pleased, but unfortunately I live in a hell hole that doesn’t have sidewalks or public transportation. My options are quite limited. We’ll see what happens. I’ll start on it this week. Hell I’ll start on it tomorrow. I’m sick of this crap.

When you like a guy…

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I give great advice. Hell, I give amazing advice. As a general rule, if I tell you to do something, you ought to do it because it’ll be the smartest option. That sounds vain, but it’s true and I’m proud of my guru powers.

Unfortunately, this means that when it comes to my own life I become a retard. Especially in the world of romance. I think this is a case of, “Do as I say, not as I do.” But never fear! There is a way for my mistakes to work for the better good, so without further ado here’s a list of what NOT to do when you like a guy.

When you like a guy…

  • …don’t assume he doesn’t like you. I’ve had friends tell me, “I can’t ask him out, he doesn’t like me!” When I ask them why they’d think that, they honestly can’t tell me why. They were just being insecure morons. Don’t be an insecure moron. Unless a guy is giving very clear BACK OFF signs, or you are out right rejected, you always have a chance.
  • …don’t assume he’s madly in love with you. This seems like a contradiction, but it’s not if you apply some common sense. Let’s say a friend tells you that hot guy wants to marry you because he smiled at you that one time five years ago. So you proceed to stalk him like a creeper…yeah, don’t. Chances are he doesn’t even remember your name. Your friends are designed to boost your self-esteem, so take it with a grain of salt when they claim a guy wants to partake in matrimony with you.
  • …don’t be retarded, ask the poor guy out. Alright! Things are going well. You definitely like him, and you’re getting some sure signs that he likes you back. Unfortunately he hasn’t asked you out yet. Believe it or not, guys can be really shy when they want to be. It looks like it’s going to be up to you. So what do you do? You ignore him and avoid the awkward rejection you’ve decided you’re going to get. Stop being stupid. Just ask him on a date and see what happens. You might be surprised.
  • …don’t be a jealous whore. Remember that guy you refused to ask out? Well, it looks like he’s moved on from the looks of the googly eyes he and that girl are giving each other. Unfortunately it seems like you never quite got over him, so you shoot the girl in the head with an airsoft gun in a fit of feminine, drunken rage. There’s so many things wrong with that. Just don’t do it. It’s your own fault you didn’t ask him out and he had every right to move on. Don’t blame him, and don’t blame the new girl. It just makes you look bad.
  • …don’t count off those other cute guys. It really doesn’t look like it’s going to happen with the crush of your choice. At some point, you really need to move on. During all that time you were pining over Mr. Crush, five other guys were probably off to the side drooling on your shoes and you didn’t even notice. One of them could have been a model for all you know.
  • …don’t put yourself down. I’ve never seen you, but you’re probably gorgeous. Just accept this and FLAUNT IT BABY. You can’t expect a guy to love you when you don’t love yourself, so go look in the mirror and give yourself a smooch. …what? No that’s not weird. It’s empowering!

This is all pretty basic advice, but I think when girls see a guy they like they just become…retarded. I don’t know what it is, but the braincells just hiss and die in a burst of flames. And just for the record, I never personally shot the girl with an air soft gun….someone else did it for me. I am very ashamed, you don’t need to tell me.